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  Do singles have questions about dating and relationships? They sure do! If you have a question about a relationship quandary, just go to the "Contact Us" page and ask!
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Hi Janice, I'm so confused by the guy I'm with. He moved to my city on business 9 months ago. We had a friendly dinner and just clicked. Needless to say, his 6 month job became a 6 month renedevous for us. We never spoke of committing to each other bc we knew it was short term. Once he moved I thought the calling and contact would dwindle, but the opposite happened. He started calling more and asking me repeatedly when I was coming for a visit. So I got a ticket and visited him a few months after he left. My question is, could be possibly want a long distance relationship? He hasn't brought up exclusivity, or a commitment, and in his defense I haven't either. I think he should bring it up, but is it true that a man will never bring that kind of stuff up. He's so confusing... I know he's into me, but I'm unclear to how into me he is. When I went to see him we had an AMAZING time, he made me breakfast every day, I met a family member and some friends, we spent every day enjoying one another. I'm so confused. I suppose I could just ask, but for some reason I'm afraid to... is that weird? Kristine Dear Kristine, At this point, is honestly looks like the two of you are having a long distance relationship. The question is, is this the kind of relationship you want, regardless of geography? Because if you're afraid of talking about your feelings and your goals together, then how DO you define your relationship? No wonder you're confused! Apparently, you are following some "rules." You say, "I think he should bring it up." But if he isn't, then what do you think that's telling you? However, you say "a man will never bring that kind of stuff up," which I hear as another rule. Unfortunately, I'm not so sure I agree with either of them.
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Posted by: Janice
on Thursday, August 13, 2009
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Hello Dr. Janice, I have been in a relationship with a man for approximately 10 months now, and would like to know if it's worth committing to him long term. He is a detective & works long varied hours. He likes his work, but I find his time very limited when it comes to spending quality alone time with me. We love each other & our kids get along wonderfully (we're both separated). He has said he is in the relationship for long term, but I'm not convinced. I'm just curious as to the advice you can offer us. Thanks, Molly Dear Molly, Your situation is not so uncommon these days with so many people working long hours. Many are doing so in order to keep their jobs in this economy, so deciding to work less is often a difficult decision. It's understandable that you would be concerned about his ability to be more committed to you and your relationship if he continues to work "long varied hours." This is not an easy question to answer, but I do think I can provide some insight that will be helpful to you. First of all, it's important that you let him know that you respect him and his work ethic. I have heard men complain that women don't truly understand their drive to be successful and ultimately, financially secure. And on top of feeling misunderstood, they also tend to feel unappreciated. So I suggest you let your boyfriend know that you love him, and that you appreciate all that he is doing to support his family.
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Posted by: Janice
on Sunday, August 02, 2009
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Janice. I really would like to know how to deal with 'best friends' things. I'm a boy and I have a girl friend. We first met at senior high school. She already had a boyfriend, but we got along just fine. Her boyfriend was too over-protective, and she said she's happy if she can play with her friends too, not just boyfriend. At this time, I thought I gave her company, help, everything as much as she wanted. We became quite close. Still, I didn't have the intention on taking her from her boyfriend. When she broke up, I kinda get this thought of 'become her boyfriend', but I held it up because I think she's still hurt, and nah, why would I want to be her boyfriend. After some time, I really developed a feeling for her, out of pity maybe. When I thought she would be available, she already went with another boy. She did told me that she never been single that long. I got jealous, and been cold to her. And I didn't really talk to her, and that made her mad. We later reconciled but it felt like something changed between us. What should I do? I honestly really like her. Dale Hi Dale, I think that the situation you describe is confusing because of your fears, not because this girl is giving you mixed messages. Basically, you have to decide if you want to be her friend, and be forever in the "friend zone," or if you want to be more romantically involved. Instead, what you're doing is being her friend out of default. This is what can happen when you aren't proactive and don't control of your own life.
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Posted by: Janice
on Saturday, July 18, 2009
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Dear Janice, I don't know where to start. I travel a lot for business, but when I was on a job I meet this woman and we hit it off. But then I had to go to my next job, but we stayed in touch. When we first met she was single, but when I came back to her town to do another job I looked her up, we hung out and had a lot of fun getting to know each other more. She told me that she had to move back in with her EX. We still see each other whenever I'm in town but she tells me that she want to leave him but can't because she does not have anywhere to go. She tells me that she loves me and yes I do love her too. I just don't know what I should do. Should I gave up on her or not? Michael Hi Michael, The situation you are in with this woman is not as complicated as you may think. Basically, she is going out with you while still living with another man. I don't think it matters what she tells you about not having any other place to go. She's not truly available to be in a different relationship, i.e., with you, while she is still dependent on this other man.
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Posted by: Janice
on Saturday, June 20, 2009
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Janice, I just just started talking again to a guy I stopped dating four years ago. The reason we stopped talking is that I lived at home and I was not allowed to date. After that we both went our ways but still kept in touch. Last week we started taking online and he brought up the fact that he still liked me and wanted to know if I felt the same. Apperently he tried to ask me out several times in the past year and I thought he was trying to just hang out and be friends so I dismissed the clues. Anyways, our date last week went great and the one last night did too. He made dinner and we were supposed to watch a movie but instead spend hours just talking about us and past memories together, and cuddling. We kissed a lot. Afterwards he dropped me off at my apt. and came inside and we talked and cuddled and kissed til morning (there was no sex). We talked about future plans and where we saw each other. He plans on going to the armed forces and asked me if we could start dating and if I would go with him. He made sure to add that he wanted to travel and have kids, and always seemed to consider my opinions and said that he would always make sure that he it was a mutual decision. Yes, he made it clear, it was plans between us. But I'm confused why he made all these comments if this was just our second date in years. We are constantly texting and talking to each other and have a group date for friday. Anyways, I'm overwhelmed. I've been cheated on and lied to before and divorced once. I've had the biggest crush on this guy for the longest time. He has so many of the qualities of my ideal man and wants the same things I want. I'm scared that I've met another cheater/deceiver and he is just telling me to fish for answers that I want. How do I keep my feet on the ground ? Please Help!!! -Liz Dear Liz, Reconnecting with a past love or crush can be both pleasurable and challenging. Pleasurable because your dreams and hopes may finally be coming to fruition, but challenging because you want to be realistic. For you, there's the added element of being hurt in the past, so I can understand why you are being extra cautious. Being extra cautious doesn't mean, however, that you become paranoid, which I am afraid you are tending to do. So I'd like to direct you to find ways to manage your fears and stay in reality with this guy so that you can make good choices..
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Posted by: Janice
on Tuesday, June 02, 2009
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Me and my boyfriend have dated for about almost 5 years now. (We are both 21) Yes, we do fight here and there like other couples, but lately the problem of his mom has changed our relationship. From my perspective, she is the worst mother there ever was. Not only did she not put food on the table, she did not clean the house, didn't remember his birthday, and wasn't financially reliable to perform the duties of billing. In this matter, I DO NOT understand her actions and thoughts and this dislike soon became hatred after a while. Although she was always VERY dependent, after my boyfriend's dad passed away, it got EVEN WORSE. To the extent where, she would complain that we shouldn't keep the door open when we sleep because she was coughing and no one woke up to get her water. After a while, I couldnt stand her and moved out hoping that ignoring her would help solve the problem, but it didnt. You might think I am crazy but when I see her or hear her voice, my head would boil in anger. I am not making my boyfriend choose but he just says things like "I love you but I cant do anything about it, just get over it. Let's just please drop it" Only if it was that easy, I would, but I can't help but be angry with anything associated with her. At first I thought I was jealous, but I realized, it's more the fact that I believe even though she is his mom, her lack of love, support, and education toward him doesn't win her the attention she demands. (To explain, my own mother passed away when I was 6 so I do not understand the bond. But I feel like if I always had a cake for my birthday, which his mom never provided, then it's better off without one that continuously disappoints.) I REALLY dont know what to do. But I am tired of her sighing when me and my boyfriend goes out, in a way making us feel guilty that we aren't home with her. I have raised this issue with him to let him know that if this does lead to marriage, we are moving to another state, where we can only visit her once or twice a year, and he was ok with it. But who am I kidding? He will probably miss her and blame me for not being able to see his mom, or if he tries to send her money in the future, my head would boil again. My boyfriend convinces me that "everything will be ok, we will move out and not have to deal with her" but who are we kidding? Marrying him is marrying his mom also. And obviously his mom isn't going to change, and he can't do anything about it, so unless I accept her, I can't find any other solutions. Please help! Xena Dear Xena, From the description of your situation, I can very much understand the frustration and angry feelings that you are experiencing. You are also astute enough to realize that your boyfriend's mother is unlikely to change, so the challenge of making peace with the situation is yours. I suggest that you start by recognizing how your boyfriend is not angry with his mother for who she is or what she did (or didn't) do for him as his mother. He does not hold any grudges, which I say is admirable. I'd also have you note that he understands your feelings and your position also, even if he himself doesn't share them. This makes it all the more clearer that dealing with his mother is actually your issue, and not his.
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Posted by: Janice
on Saturday, May 23, 2009
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Hi Janice! My dilemma might sound common for a young adult like me, but I still need some reassurance on this problem that I'm having.
I've known this one guy for almost a year now and I'm really attracted and interested in him. He's really my type - smart, funny,independent.
And we always have great conversations together. He never fails to make me laugh and the best thing is that we have a lot in common. With that, I've gained more interest in him everytime we talk. I met him in college and he was on a foreign exchange students program. However, he has gone back to his country now. And God I miss him terribly. I always wait anxiously online, hoping that he would come online so we could talk! Sometimes I feel that he likes me too because he is very nice, in fact, he is the sweetest man I've ever met in my life. But, maybe it was just me. I don't know. The day before he left, I thought I wanted to tell him my feelings for him but I was afraid that it would end badly and I would feel guilty for the rest of my life. Sometimes I wish I told him so that I would feel relief! We are still in contact now, thank God! He told me he would come back to my country in few years time because of work. I really hope he will. I still have feelings for him, though he is a million miles away from me. He has no idea how I feel. So the question is, should I tell him how I feel about him through online or would that be just too pathetic? Honestly, I really don't mind long distance relationship, just as long I know we are in a relationship. I really like this guy. I don't think I will meet a guy as sweet as he is anytime soon. It's been 5 months since he's gone, and I still have feelings for him. I don't know if I can ever be over him :( I miss him! Linda Dear Linda, The most significant thing I hear from your question is the regret you feel for not telling this man your feelings when he was in this country. Regretting a missed opportunity is painful because you're always wondering "what if?" But it's 5 months later and you wonder what you should do because you feel the same now as you did back then. I think that in order to answer your question about whether or not to tell him your feelings, you have to identify the result you want to attain. You mentioned that you miss him. Would sharing your feelings with him help you to be in the same country any faster? You also mention that you wouldn't mind being in a long-distance relationship "as long as I know we are in a relationship." Is that really the kind of relationship that you want -- being far away, not knowing what he's doing each and every day or when you'd see each other again? And waht if he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, even after you tell him how you feel? Then what?
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Posted by: Janice
on Thursday, May 21, 2009
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Dear Janice, I accompanied my father to consult with a surgeon because he needed surgery. During the initial visit he acted like a typical surgeon, aloof etc., but during the pre-op visit I noticed that he would just stare and stare at me and smile. I found myself returning the same. The surgery is over and I sent him a bouquet to thank him, and he called to thank me for the bouquet. We speak and flirt and I ask him if we can go out, and he says "asbsolutely that should be lots of fun, however we have to wait till I am finished treating your dad." I say fine. We see each other evey two months and we stare, smile and even take the appts as opportunities to get to know each other better. He gave me his cell number, but I have not called because I get the implicit feeling it's for when treatment is over which will be in June. My question is--will I have to call him to ask him out again or will he remember? There is an age difference of about 15 years however we are equally educated and I am extremely successful so I think it should be ok. What are your thoughts? Lonni Dear Lonni, This question is a good example of how singles can meet each other in the most normal, real situations that we encounter on a daily basis. While your relationship is "developing" in its own organic way, I do have some reactions and thoughts. The first thing you need to find out is if he is indeed single. While you know him professionally, you may not know if he is truly in the market for a relationship, or if he is interested in being friends and just taking you up on your offer to go out to lunch. Once you've cleared that up (that he's interested in more than just gonig out for a "thank-you" meal), then I don't see the age difference as being a problem, unless you find out that you really don't have much in common. So you have to ask questions and listen to the answers in order to determine if you share some of the same interests, values and life goals. And, of course, make sure he has the essential qualities of honesty, loyalty, generosity and caring.
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Posted by: Janice
on Friday, March 27, 2009
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